


Confession

by DreamingOf4A



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Arguing, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 12:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11509143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingOf4A/pseuds/DreamingOf4A
Summary: Yuzu goes to feed and comfort Javi after the Worlds 2017 Free Skate in Helsinki. They start talking about their relationship growing distant and Yuzuru ends up making some confessions...





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Angst alert. Not the worst I can do, but pretty angsty still. Also, I would like to apologize for Miki in this story. I don't dislike her, so I usually try not to make her into a bad character, but in this story I failed. (However, if I had a boyfriend who treated his co-worker like Javi treats Yuzu, I'd probably get a bit jealous myself lol).

_Disclaimer: This story is fiction and does not in any way reflect on the real life people that share their names with these characters. It is also not intended to offend or disrespect and it exists simply because I find it really interesting to imagine how other people - potentially - live their lives. (And yes, that includes sex lives :P)_  
  


Javier Fernandez, two times World Champion and five times European Champion, sat in an armchair in his hotel room randomly browsing SNS and pictures on his phone. He’d received a lot of support online from fans and friends, following his losing the World Champion title and coming in fourth.

The disappointing free skate was behind him already. He’d had time to come to terms with it and he wasn’t the type to obsess over mistakes - unlike his friend, teammate and current World Champion, who, even after winning, still spent more time going over his mistakes in the short program, than celebrating the victory and new world record. A part of him wondered if maybe that was why Yuzuru Hanyu won and he lost. Another part reminded him it’d been pretty much the same story, with their roles reversed the previous year. Then, Yuzuru had put in an amazing short program, but then faltered on the long program. So it could happen even to the genius, alien skater.

Javier shook his head and stuffed his phone in his pocket.

He sounded bitter in his thoughts and that was weird, because he didn’t feel bitter.

Or well, maybe he did, just a little bit.

Mostly, he felt kind of numb. 

However… a certain moment in the gala had actually left him a bit bitter. He’d reached out to Yuzuru, just a natural reaction, since they always casually did that when they were within touching distance of each other, but the World Champion had ignored him. Javier had tried to tell himself the other was focusing more on Misha, who was at his last competition, but the bitterness had already taken deep seed and he couldn’t shake it off for the rest of the day.

He’d refused Alex’ offer to go out for drinks and claimed to be nursing the beginning of a cold, in order to ensure he’d be left alone.

And alone he’d been all afternoon. Sitting in his room, reading tweets, looking at instagrams - studiously avoiding a certain instagram; he wanted to stop following it, but with his own followers able to see it, it’d just draw too much attention - and getting lost in thought.

He startled as the total silence - he hadn’t felt like opening his TV or laptop - was broken by a knock on his door. He stared blankly at the door as if he’d never seen one before, before he regained his wits and stood up to open it. He realized he was still wearing the same warm up suit he’d worn after the gala, on the way to the hotel. He could always claim it was just comfortable, though, so he took a deep breath, pasted a happy-ish look on his face and opened the door.

The happy-ish look fell right off and he couldn’t really get it back.

“Yuzuru...”

“Hey… Brian told you didn’t eat. I bring food.” Yuzuru said, lifting an arm holding a paper bag and extending it towards Javier.

“Oh… thank you. I’m not really hungry, though...”

Yuzuru’s eyes darkened a bit and his too casual smile faded away. 

“You must eat.” Yuzuru insisted, pushing the bag at Javier and forcing him to take it or let it drop to the floor. Javier wasn’t that dramatic, so he took it. Admittedly, the scents drifting from the bag were quite delicious.

“Is this Spanish?”

“Yes. I ask staff to bring Spanish food Javi likes.”

Of course. It wasn’t like Yuzuru could go out and buy Javier’s food himself.

Yuzuru hesitated a moment, then sighed. “Enjoy.” Then he turned to leave and Javier’s heart squeezed painfully.

“Yuzu, wait.”

The Champion stopped, but didn’t turn to face Javier.

“Won’t you come in? And help me decide if I like Finnish Spanish food?”

Yuzuru turned and looked at him, searching his face for who knows what. His expression never changed, it stayed serious and guarded, so Javier had no idea what he was thinking, but in the end Yuzuru nodded.

“Ok.”

Javier let him in, closing the door after the Japanese skater had brushed past him inside the room.

“Have a seat.” Javier said, as he set the bag on the small coffee table in the middle of the room. Yuzuru, of course, picked the armchair Javier had been sitting in. As he sat, he looked like he wanted to stand up again, probably having noticed the seat was warm, but then he settled. Javier ignored the hesitation and reached inside the bag to bring out the thermal container. There were two sets of forks and Javier realized either the staff had assumed Yuzuru would join Javier or the young man had asked them to get two sets, thinking Javier would invite him to join in. He felt a little bit annoyed at that and almost regretted the invitation. 

Then he reminded himself he was NOT that dramatic and set the plastic forks down, thking the other armchair and opening the container. It wasn’t anything fancy, just Paella, but it looked and smelled very good and Javier thought maybe he was hungry after all.

“This smells really good...” he said, trying to fill the awkward silence.

Yuzuru nodded. “Hope you like...”

Javier took a bite and concluded they did have good Spanish food in Helsinki.

“It’s good. Try it...”

Yuzuru hesitated again, then whispered a quick いただきます - because Yuzuru’s manners had no connection to the food he was eating - and took a small bite. “Mmm is good.”

“Help yourself to as much as you want.”

“Thank you… I already eat, so is ok.” Yuzuru said, though he did, politely, take another small bite - so small it’d leave a mouse hungry.

“Suit yourself.” Javier said before digging in more seriously. He didn’t really feel like playing courteous host and Yuzuru didn’t usually expect it of him anyway.

However, the awkward silence was becoming annoying.

“Say something.” Javier demanded in between forkfuls.

“Eh?” Yuzuru asked surprised, startled out of whatever thoughts he was having.

“Normally you’re talking non-stop. It’s weird when you’re quiet.”

“I’m quiet during competition” Yuzuru protested.

“I thought the competition ended the other day.” Javier pointed out and Yuzuru deflated.

“Yeah...”

“Look, if you’re here to comfort me, you’re doing a truly awful job.”

Yuzuru looked up at that, a bit annoyed. But then he switched to his usual intense stare that he reserved for when he wanted to read other people’s minds and souls. Or at least so it seemed to Javier.

“Do you want that I comfort you?”

Javier paused in eating, then looked at his teammate.

“Whatever for?”

Yuzuru smiled a weird little smile. “That what I thought.”

Javier actually stopped eating and leaned back in his chair to do his own starring.

“Why are you here, then?”

“You need food.”

Javier rolled his eyes. “Well, thanks mom.”

“I am not your mother.”

Javier eyed him a bit, trying to figure out if Yuzuru had really misunderstood him, but it seemed the other man was in as weird a mood as he was. “Didn’t think you were. You’re a bit flat.”

Yuzuru looked down at his chest and raised an eyebrow. “I think is pretty good.”

“Pretty damn good, but still too flat to be my mother.”

“You look at your mother chest?”

“She’s a woman, so by definition, you’re too flat.”

“Too flat up here, too… something else down there?”

Javier shook his head at the weird conversation. “Yuzu, I like you and all, but I don’t particularly want to talk or think about your crotch. For all that you like showing it to the world.”

Yuzuru’s cheeky smile froze a little. “Sorry. Thought was funny.”

“Don’t sweat it. Although those outfits of yours are quite something...”

“Brian wear such outfit, too. Is not that different.”

“I’d like to think Brian never wore things so tight the world was wondering if he’d gotten a boner over skating.”

Yuzuru was silent and Javier wondered if he even knew what a boner was.

“But… well… I guess hats off, for having the balls to pull it off. Sort of pun intended.” Javier winked. His joke fell flat, though, as Yuzuru rolled his eyes.

“Thank you.”

Another moment of silence and Javier stared at the food on the table.

“Seriously, Yuzu. Why are you here?”

Yuzuru opened his mouth but Javier interrupted. 

“Aside from feeding me. And I do thank you for that. I guess I was hungry and just hadn’t realized it.”

Yuzuru sighed and although he was silent for a while, Javier knew it was different this time and the boy was just searching for his words.

“Javi is upset… angry, even. Want to help.”

“I’m not angry. Not even upset. And even if I was, how could you help?”

“Javi upset and angry.” Yuzuru insisted. Then, to Javier’s shock, added the next two words while looking him straight in the eye. “At me.”

Javier’s eyes went wide at that. “What? Yuzu, no! I...”

“Is true. Javi maybe not realize, but is true.” Yuzuru insisted.

All Javier could do was stare. Yes, maybe he’d been a little annoyed at Yuzuru avoiding him and the way their relationship had shifted over the past year, but he’d never really been mad at Yuzuru. He wondered how he’d acted to make the younger man think that.

“Is ok to be upset and angry.” Yuzuru added.

“Yuzu, that’s not...”

“I was very upset and angry last year.”

“What?”

“Worlds last year was very… hard. Much anger, pain… f… fru… frustration...”

“I know...”

“Was very unfair to Javi, too. Javi was kind as always, but I...” Yuzuru shook his head. “There was much, much… ano… kuyashii...”

Javier couldn’t help smiling a bit at that. Everyone in the skating world knew kuyashii by now. Since Yuzuru was using it virtually ALL the time.

“I know Yuzu, and it’s ok. I know how much you wanted to win and I know the pressure you were under and your injury… And there was the thing with Denis… I know all that.”

“After… I stay in Toronto all Summer. For injury to heal. But Javi not there.”

“Eh?”

“Javi in Japan for shows. Javi in Spain for family, friend. Javi in Japan for Miki.” Yuzuru shook his head. “Three months no ice, no train, very hard. And Javi mostly not there.”

Javier stared in shock. The younger man had expressed all that in a neutral tone, but hearing it hurt. “Yuzu...”

“Is ok. Javi has Javi things. Is normal. But felt… lonely.”

“Yuzu… you never told me that...”

“Why tell? Javi has Javi things to do.” Yuzuru shrugged, then continued. “When could train again, talk to Brian. Make plan for training. For season. For Olympics. We talk a lot. Brian say he finally understand me.” Yuzuru smiled a bit at that memory. “Then work hard. Need catch up. Get programs done. Practice. Get quad loop stable.”

Javier nodded. Yuzuru’s training the previous off season had started late, but been very intense. Brian had worked hard to keep the champion tempered - and for once, Yuzuru had trusted their coach completely - but the training had been very intense. So much so that Javier, even though he was probably the most hard working he’d ever been in his life before, felt lazy by comparison.

Yuzuru’s programs had been mind blowing from the start. Even when he had problems with them, they were so impressive. Javier had known that clean skates would definitely mean another world record. 

Yuzuru seemed to constantly soar further and further, beyond the reach of the rest of them normal human beings. He himself had also worked hard, but with Yuzuru so out of reach, he’d lost some motivation. It wasn’t so much them pushing each other anymore, it was Yuzuru pushing himself further and further and Javier pretending he was on the same level.

On top of that, Yuzuru’s intense training had meant they hadn’t really gotten to hang out and joke around and just have fun at the rink anymore. During breaks, Yuzuru would sit on a bench by the rink, earphones in, some kind of music blasting through them, eyes closed. Javier hadn’t known for sure, because they hadn’t talked much those days, but he’d been pretty sure Yuzuru had been image training even during the breaks.

Now he wondered if part of Yuzuru’s distance had been the hurt of his loneliness while Javier had been away.

“I was so focused on catch up I sometimes forget Javi.”

“You left me behind.” Javier said it and he couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. Then he amended, because he didn’t want Yuzuru to feel guilty about aiming higher. “I fell behind.”

“Mmm. I not realize. Not until Final.”

“Well, we didn’t see each other much once the season started.”

“Yes. But at Final saw Javi was not with me. Felt ashamed.”

“Why would you? It was my problem.”

Yuzuru shook his head. “Felt ashamed for not notice. For not supporting Javi more.”

Javier took a deep breath. “I appreciate it, Yuzu, but I don’t want anything that feels like pity.”

“Not pity. Javi better than that, I thought. I want to help Javi reach full Javi potential. But so stuck on me, I couldn’t.”

“It’s not your job to help me, Yuzu. That’s Brian’s.”

“We teammates. Friends. Cricket Club Brothers. Javi… very special to me. Want Javi by my side, always. Want to help.”

Javier was stunned anew, as Yuzuru had said all that while looking him straight in the eye.

“Yuzu… you do know that if I’d skated even a bit better than I did, I would have won, right?”

“I know. Javi deserve to win. I mess up short. I pay price. Even if free is good, short wasn’t.” Yuzuru shrugged.

“You can act like you don’t care all you want, you would have hated it.” 

“Of course. I hate losing. But lose is my fault. Last year, when upset and angry, was never at Javi.”

“I know.” Javier said, but also felt a bit annoyed, because Yuzuru had claimed Javier was mad at him. Unlike him who hadn’t been mad at Javier. And overall, he still had no idea where this conversation was going.

“But I act unfair to Javi. Javi maybe think I avoid. Don’t want be friends anymore. Rivals more than friends.”

“I didn’t think that…” Javier defended, though it was half-hearted.

“You say that.”

Javier rolled his eyes. Of course Yuzuru would find that.

“They made that a lot more dramatic than it was.”

“Is ok. Is true maybe. Only not intentional.”

“Of course not.”

“And… people notice. Fans notice. Press notice.”

“Notice what?”

“We not so friends anymore. They notice and they ask question. About Javi, all the time.” Yuzuru shook his head. “Is hard, explain friendship when not talk to Javi first.”

“Err… I guess…”

“So I want not give reason to ask.”

Javier paused a little, trying to make things clear in his head.

“So… let me get this straight. You avoid me publicly so people won't ask you questions about our friendship?”

“Yes.”

“You can just tell them we’re friends. Same thing as always.”

Yuzuru just shook his head, though didn’t say anything.

“And you really think people asking about our friendship is worth ignoring me?” Again, Javier couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Yuzuru cringed. But stayed quiet.

“Yuzu, I’m sorry, but it makes no sense to me.”

“I am stupid. Was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“You are not stupid. And it’s not a matter of right or wrong, it’s just… I don’t get it. We’re friends. Why is it so wrong if people ask about our friendship?”

Yuzuru was quiet for a bit, biting his lip, eyes downcast. Then he mumbled something Javier didn’t catch.

“Louder, please...”

“Some think we more than friends...” Yuzuru mumbled again, but loud enough that Javier could understand.

“More than… who?”

Yuzuru shrugged. “Fans, people...”

Javier couldn’t help an eyeroll. “Fans don’t necessarily think we’re more than friends, they just do stuff like that for fun. It’s called shipping and lots of people get shipped. I’m sure they ship you with Pooh, too! It’s nothing you need to take seriously.”

Yuzuru shook his head. “Not just fans… other, too…”

“Like who?” Yuzuru remained quiet and Javier got an idea. “Wait… did anyone ever ask you to your face if we’re more than friends?”

Yuzuru shrunk in on himself and Javier knew he’d hit the jackpot.

“Somebody did… who? Fans? Press?”

Yuzuru shook his head furiously.

“Who then? Some other skater?”

Yuzuru just kept shaking his head.

“You know you can just tell them to mind their own business, right? It’s none of their business, but also, we are just friends.”

As Yuzuru remained quiet, Javier started getting annoyed.

“Alright, I need to know who it was. You’re too polite to say anything, so I’ll have to have a talk with whoever that is.”

“No.”

“Yuzu.”

“No. Forget I said.”

“Technically, you didn’t say anything. But I can’t forget. Yuzu, I need to know. Our friendship took a serious blow because of this person. Was it another skater? You know they might have done it on purpose to try to get to you or me, right?”

“No, Javi!”

“No, it wasn’t another skater?”

Deflated Yuzuru sighed. “No.”

“Who then?”

“Is not like Javi thinks...”

“What does that mean?”

“Nobody asked if we boyfriends.”

Javier paused a bit in surprise.

“Then what the fuck are we talking about?!”

Yuzuru cringed at that and Javi mumbled a sorry.

“They think we maybe more than friends, but question was not… like that.”

Javier sighed and hid his face in his palms.

“Yuzu, you’re driving me nuts right now. If you can’t even tell me who led to this whole thing, at least leave me alone, because you are not helping.”

Javier partly regretted the words as they came out, when he saw the hurt on Yuzuru’s face.

“Why matter who ask? Now Javi knows truth, is not enough?”

“No, Yuzu it’s not enough. Unless we get to the bottom of this, you’ll continue stressing out and avoiding me and I’d really rather not.”

“Know who not make feel better.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

Yuzuru looked like he wanted to ask Javier if he was sure, but instead he just sighed.

“Ok, I tell then. If Javi really need to know.”

“I do. So, please tell me.”

“Ok...” Pause. Deep breath. “Miki-san.”

Javier’s eyes widened. “What?”

“It was Miki-san.”

“What? Why? When?”

“Last season. NHK.”

“Why?”

“She feel I very close to Javi. Since she love Javi, she worried.”

“She never told me...”

“She trust Javi. She don’t trust me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yuzuru shrugged. “That what she say.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Don’t worry. Javi love Miki-san only.”

“Yuzu...” Javier’s heart clenched a little, thinking of his relationship with Miki. “Didn’t she believe you? Why still avoid me after you reassured her?”

“She call me.”

“What?”

“After gala final in France. She ask again. She say she sees us on tv. Sees Javi look at me like we boyfriends. I tell her we not. She ask why act like it. So I thought better not act like.”

Javier didn’t really know what to do with that information.

“You said she didn’t ask if we’re boyfriends.”

Yuzuru nodded.

“What did she ask?”

Yuzuru stiffened.

“Yuzu?”

Swallowing hard, Yuzuru whispered just loudly enough for Javier to hear.

“She ask if I’m in love with Javi...”

“She...” Javier was stunned again. He couldn’t believe his girlfriend had done that!

“But… that’s easy to just deny, right? Just say you just like me as a friend. Right?”

Yuzuru was quiet, head down, playing a loose strand in his jacket.

“Yuzu…?”

“Yeah, I should said so...”

“Yuzu, in Miki’s stead, I’m sorry. Why she’d think to ask such a stupid question… But, really did you have to stress so much?”

“Sorry...”

“Why couldn’t you just tell her no? And keep our friendship as it was and just tell people they’re wrong? That we’re not boyfriends and you’re not in love with me.”

Yuzuru remained quiet and Javier had a nagging feeling there was more to it.

“Yuzu… why couldn’t you?”

“Yuzu?” he insisted when the man remained a quiet.

“I...”

“Yes?”

“I… don’t want lie...”

“You… what?”

“I don’t want lie...”

“What lie? We aren’t boyfriends. And you’re not...” Javier froze. And stared at his friend. “You’re not… are you?”

Yuzuru kept looking down.

“Yuzu?”

Yuzuru lifted his head a bit then let it drop. A nod?

“Yu...”

“I am. I’m sorry. I never want Javi find out.”

Stunned, again. Javier had no idea what to do with that information. He leaned back in his seat and stared unseeingly in Yuzuru’s direction.

“S… since when?”

Yuzuru shrugged. “Long ago.”

“How long?”

“... Rostelecom.”

“Eh?”

“2011. Rostelecom. Like Javi a lot then and grew.”

Javier’s head was spinning. Rostelecom cup meant 6 and a half years. Before they’d become team mates.

“I think… you’re a lot better at hiding it than you think...” Javier said after a few minutes.

Yuzuru shrugged.

“I never would have guessed...”

“That was point.”

“Why?”

“Javi have girlfriend. Girlfriends. If Javi know I like, Javi feel bad.”

Yuzuru was right, he did feel bad.

“Even so. I’m your friend. I’d like to know.”

“Ok. I like Javi.”

Javier blinked at that. “Err… thank you… I like you, too. Even if not in the same way.”

Yuzuru smiled a little shyly.

“So… you were avoiding me because you were afraid people would realize?”

Yuzuru nodded. “If Miki-san did, I thought others, too...”

“Ok, I get it… but they still wouldn’t know if you don’t tell them.”

“Maybe… but cause problem for Javi.”

“Problem for me?”

“Miki-san, very upset. She think I steal Javi...”

“Why on Earth would she think that?”

“Because Javi touch a lot… so maybe if Javi find out I like, Javi, too...”

“What?”

“Miki-san said so.”

Javier was getting angrier and angrier at his ex-girlfriend. It seemed in the end, she’d just been jealous of his friendship with Yuzuru and lashed out at Yuzuru over it. Knowing the boy was kind enough to do something for her, so she’d essentially sabotaged their friendship. And it took them a year to realize it.

“Yuzu, look. I love you, really. Probably as a friend more than anything. But I think Miki manipulated you. You had no reason to listen to her.”

“Actually… I fear Javi learn, too...”

“What?”

“I fear Javi find out I like, Javi get mad...”

“What? Yuzu, why would I?”

The boy shrugged and Javier could tell he’d gotten emotional. Cursing in his head, Javier reached out and grabbed Yuzuru’s hand.

“Yuzu, listen to me. Even if I don’t return your feelings - which I can’t say right now; I care about you too much not to analyze my own feelings properly, before I give you an answer - you’re still my precious friend and I love you and I would never get mad about something like that. OK?”

Yuzuru kept looking down, now sniffing a bit, so Javier reached out again and tipped Yuzuru’s chin up, revealing red rimmed eyes full of tears.

“Oh, Yuzu...” Javier got up and pulled his teammate up as well and enveloped him in a warm hug.

As with all their hugs, Yuzuru virtually melted in his arms. Only the melting was also emotional, this time and Javier could feel the younger man’s tears in the crook of his neck where he’d hidden his face. He tightened the hug and rubbed Yuzuru’s back, holding him as he cried quietly. He couldn’t imagine what it must feel like, being in love with your best friend and keeping it to yourself… watching girlfriends come and go... Javier tightened his arms even more and kissed the side of Yuzuru’s head.

“I’m so sorry, Yuzu… it must have hurt so much…”

Yuzuru shook his head but didn’t seem ready to speak just yet. A part of Javier worried this hug might make things worse for his young teammate. Might give him hopes… And Javier loved him a lot, truly, but not like that. Right?

As he held the slim body in his arms, his mind reviewed all their skinship moments… the hugs, the face touching, the waist touching, the tear wiping, the playful slaps on the ass, the playful “I’m gonna kiss you now!” moments, where the other would pretend to not want it - God, how must Yuzu have felt then?! - and he had to admit to himself that the way he acted towards Yuzuru was different from other guy friends. Or even if he had moments with others, there were nowhere near as many as with Yuzu.

He felt Yuzuru squirm out of the hug and let him go and they both sat down in their armchairs again. Keeping his head down, Yuzuru grabbed some napkins from the table, near their forgotten dinner and wiped his face and blew his nose.  
“I’m sorry...”

“You have no reason to apologize, Yuzu… I’m sorry I never noticed...”

Yuzuru shook his head again.

“Don’t want Javi notice.”

“Yuzu...”

“Javi can’t do anything, so why notice?”

“Still… you shouldn’t deal with this alone, you know? Does anyone know?”

Yuzuru hesitated, then nodded.

“Who?” Javier asked, trying not to show that he felt hurt Yuzuru had told anyone else. “Aside from Miki.”

“Mother.” Javier was surprised at that, but then again not really. Yuzuru’s mother lived for him and spent virtually every waking minute watching over her son. If anyone would notice, it should be her. “Also Brian. And Misha.”

“Misha?”

“He say others suspect, too. But Misha ask and couldn’t lie… Misha… help a little.”

Javier nodded. He hated that in a way Misha had taken his place as Yuzuru’s closest friend, but in the same time he was happy Yuzuru had had someone to talk to. And for all his fooling around, Misha was a good guy who liked Yuzu and would take care of him in Javi’s place.

“And Brian?”

“Brian, too, notice. He didn’t ask, but I tell… Brian thinks we have fight. So didn’t want him worry. So I tell him.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. He just pat my back, smile a little, then send me warm up.”

Javier chuckled. “Yeah, sounds like Brian.” 

Taking a deep breath, Javier reached out to Yuzu again. “Yuzu, tell me...”

Yuzuru looked up at Javier and the Spaniard swallowed hard before continuing. “What do you want?”

“What?”

“Say… I felt the same - and I’m not saying I do… I need to think, but just assuming - what would you want? How… how would our relationship change?”

Yuzuru stared at Javier, confused and the older man wondered if maybe his English was weird and Yuzuru didn’t understand.

“Change? Why must change?”

“What?”

“I don’t want change.”

“But if we were boyfriends...”

“But people say we already act like boyfriends?”

“I… do we? I mean, yes, we touch more than most people, but… if I felt the same, wouldn’t you want to… do… more?”

“More?”

“Like hug more… touch more… kiss...”

Yuzuru blinked and Javier kind of realized the young man had never thought about these things. He also wondered a bit if they had a huge misunderstanding on their hands, and Yuzuru wasn’t actually in love with him.

“Kiss… I don’t know…” Yuzuru said and he looked like he was thinking hard, before shaking his head. “Never did kiss, so don’t know… I like be close to Javi. Javi’s hugs are warm and I feel… home. Never thought of kiss... ” Yuzuru said and shyly, but curiously looked at Javi and zoomed in on his lips.

Javier couldn’t resist licking his lips, though his head was spinning a bit. His 22 years old teammate, world superstar and figure skating sex symbol - he was vaguely aware how many women drooled over his purple pants - had never kissed or been kissed. 

Additionally, he was shocked by the urge he felt to give Yuzuru his first kiss.

He tried to convince himself it was because he felt the world champion deserved a fantastic first kiss and, somehow, he felt confident enough to be able to give it to him.

Yuzuru studied him a bit longer, then his dark eyes met Javier’s and the Spaniard had to suck in a breath, because that look was enough to turn an asexual person into a Yuzusexual. And worst of all was that it was probably unintentional. It was a bit shy, but very curious and very willing and very… promising of many more interesting experiences to come.

Javier wasn’t really aware of moving, but somehow he found himself on his knees in front of Yuzuru’s chair, between his legs, reaching out for his face - for that smooth, beautiful skin he was sure teenagers around the world had been envying for years - and he couldn’t resist running a thumb over Yuzuru’s perfect lips. How could he not have noticed before what perfect lips the young man had? They were full and curved and looked absolutely delicious and all he wanted was to nibble on them and Yuzuru’s eyes were darker and heavy and he could feel the pulse pounding against his hand, where it rested against the boy’s neck and he concluded there was no reason to hold back.

Leaning in and up, eyes closed, his lips met Yuzuru’s and felt perfection. Not even the perfection of those lips, as sweet as they looked, shy, yet curious, pliable, yet obviously willing to learn to explore, but the perfection of the moment. Of their kiss. Yuzuru’s first kiss.

Javier pressed closer and gently kissed, nibbled and sucked at Yuzuru’s lips, giving them the kind of worship they deserved, before leaning his head a bit and demanding entrance. Yuzuru might have never kissed before, but he obviously knew the mechanics and immediately opened up and Javier didn’t hesitate in exploring the young man’s mouth, and encouraging him to join in the playful tongue battle. 

Yuzuru did hesitate a bit, but, as with everything else, he was a quick learner and soon Javier had to moan into the kiss as Yuzuru showed as much enthusiasm in kissing as he did in jumping quads and the kiss was probably +100 GOE by then.

As they finally parted, they were both panting, out of breath. Javier was dazed because he’d gone through a huge range of emotions in probably less than an hour and was completely lost and confused, but, he was quite sure that had been the best kiss of his life. As expected of Yuzuru Hanyu… he broke records even when he was kissing.

And he obviously knew it. Yuzuru couldn’t help his lips from stretching into a wide grin.

“I know now. I want kiss with Javi.” he confessed after a few more pants.

“No shit...” Javier chuckled.

“Did Javi like, too?”

“What do you think?” Javier asked as he just let himself sit on the floor, still dazed.

“I think Javi look like it was Javi’s first kiss...” Yuzuru giggled.

Javier glared at him, but it had no strength. “Well, excuse me for forgetting what a fast learner you are!”

Yuzuru just grinned some more.

After a few moments of silence that were both a little awkward and not really, Yuzuru let himself sit on the floor next to Javier. It was awkward, because they were both squeezed in in a small place, but when looking at his teammate, Javier realized it was a strategic move. Yuzuru had gotten shy again and he couldn’t really hide his face if Javier was sitting lower than him.

“What is it, Yuzu?” Javier asked softly, reaching to cradle the boy’s face again. He felt like doing it and he just did it. It seemed stupid to hold back anymore, at this point.

“Can… we do that again?”

“Eh?”

“I mean… Javi don’t know how Javi feels, so… we not boyfriends. We act like boyfriends, but… kissing is more… so… kissing mean we really boyfriends?”

Javier sighed. “Yuzu… ” He studied the bowed head in front of him and realized he’d do anything to see the happy, cheeky Yuzu of just a few minutes ago. To see him smile. To be the target of that intense focus. To teach Yuzu things he didn’t know and be the target of his experimentation with his own sexuality - which was overflowing in his programs at times. He wasn’t sure how far he was willing to go just yet, but he doubted Yuzuru was either. Maybe they could find out together…

“Yuzu, I think I have a better idea...”

“Yes?” Yuzuru said, looking up at him curiously, though he was obviously still weary.

“How about we leave labels aside… and just… do what feels right? If we feel like kissing, we can kiss. If we feel like hugging, we can hug. And touch and… everything. If one feels like doing something we haven’t done before, we talk about it.”

“Not public.”

“No, not in public. In public, maybe just some casual, normal touching. But I’ll try to stop touching your face and waist in public, so people don’t ask weird questions anymore.”

“But private we can...”

“Yes… do whatever we feel like doing.”

“Whatever… what about sex?”

Javier froze at that and stared at Yuzuru. They weren’t even really boyfriends and he hadn’t yet concluded exactly what he felt for Yuzuru, and he was talking about sex?!

“What about sex?”

“Will we do sex, too?”

“I… uhm… do you… want to?” Javier asked, weary because as much as he liked Yuzu, he wasn’t sure he was ready to go that far. His mind supplied him with imagery of Yuzuru in those sinful purple pants or his skin tight training gear and he had to swallow hard because… maybe… just maybe… he was more ready than he thought...

“Does Javi want to?”

“Yuzu, answering a question with another question is annoying.”

“Javi do it, too.”

Javier had to sigh at that. Touche. “Ok, fine, I’ll answer first. If you really wanted it, I’d probably be willing to try, but making no promise I’d be able to go through with it. I’ve never been intimate with a man and… well, there’s a pretty big difference. So I don’t know. But I think it’s a bit too… soon to talk about sex, to be honest...”

Yuzuru nodded and Javier was relieved to see Yuzuru didn’t look disappointed.

“Too soon, yes. Is good. We can have sex after Olympics.”

“Ye… wait, what?”

Yuzuru looked at him seriously. “After Olympics. We have sex. Celebrate medals.”

Javier just stared at him and wondered what he’d gotten himself into.

“I also wanted after get quad axel, but… if before Olympics, is problem...”

“Yuzu… why must sex be related to some kind of skating event?”

“Because I promise I wait with sex until after second gold medal at Olympics.”

“Who did you promise that to?”

“Myself.”

“Ok… why?”

“Because if have sex will want to have again and again and again and...”

“Ok, ok, I get it…”

“But after Olympics is ok. Even if still Worlds, is ok.”

“Yuzu...” Javier rubbed his own face, wondering what a figure skating calendar dependant sex schedule would be like. He was surprised he didn’t actually mind as much as he thought he would, if it meant getting to be the target of Yuzuru’s again and again and again and…

“So… after Olympics?”

“Sure… we’ll talk again about sex after Olympics.”

“Talk?” Yuzuru frowned.

“Well… I think we should talk first...”

Yuzuru pouted but relented.

“If I get quad axel… can we… almost?” 

“Almost what?” Javier asked, though his head was spinning at the talk of quad axel. Especially, quad axel BEFORE Olympics. Hadn’t Yuzu said he’d behave and not try for quad axel before Olympics?

“Almost have sex.”

“... what does that mean?”

Yuzuru shrugged and blushed a bit. “Just… not really sex...”

Javier sighed. Just WHAT did he get himself into?! Yuzuru was lucky he was more than worth it, in Javier’s eyes.

“Let’s leave the sex talk for when… situations that might lead to sex occur?”

Yuzuru nodded, albeit a bit hesitantly. “Ok...”

“Ok...” 

“Javi...”

“Yes, Yuzu?”

“...Kiss again?”

Javier chuckled.

“Sure. Come here.” he said, pulling the boy closer and finding his mouth easily, as if they’d been doing this for years. 

As the kiss went on and on again and got more and more passionate - all that pent up sexual tension in Yuzuru resulted in extremely intense, mind blowing kissing, like he was trying to suck Javier’s very soul out - Javier started regretting there was still almost a year to go until the Olympics. 

Maybe Yuzuru could get that quad axel after he got back to Toronto, though and he could find out what almost sex meant...


End file.
